dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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