It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
