I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
