9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
