good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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