this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
