Already got asked if we're dating
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
