i would punch a child for taco bell
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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