he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
