I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
