its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize