cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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