Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
