Kiss
Puke
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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