your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
