Sry I called you an 8
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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