You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
