I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
