I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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