i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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