we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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