You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
