I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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