My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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