I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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