I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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