i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
