I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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