i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's just like the Real World with babies
pop tarts are not kleenex
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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