i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
