Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
