he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
