it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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