At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
