Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
