I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
