somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
