I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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