So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
