Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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