Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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