Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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