Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
