Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
