the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
