when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think a kid would responsible me up
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
