When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
