rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
