I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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