I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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