thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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