ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
