Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
