Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
