I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
