I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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