puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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