did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Welp...herpes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
