: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
