Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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