Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
