it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
