just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
