Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
