I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
