You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
