Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
