You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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