someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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