I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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