On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
