I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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