this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
